Jerry, you need to find god
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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