I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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