Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
