found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
