god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
