guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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