So drunk its hurt
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
