She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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