I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
