I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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