Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
