Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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