I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
