i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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