Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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