what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think my moral compass just broke
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
