So drunk its hurt
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
