Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
