i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
