Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
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She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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