If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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