i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize