I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
