i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Randomize
