I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
