the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
