No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize