i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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