By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
