Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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