Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
