I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
