The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
