WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
