I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize