Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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