omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
