I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
