If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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