The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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