Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am spending my child support on dildos
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
