The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
