ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
