well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Randomize
