I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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