my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
