I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
