walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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