I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
