nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
