I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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