I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
