Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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