yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
