8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
