i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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