You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
