So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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