remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
