I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
