why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I smell stomach acid.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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