I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
