I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
